You never forget your first time...

...wearing a Starfleet uniform. Here's the story of mine:

Several weeks ago, Think Geek introduced the Star Trek Bat'leth Letter Opener. It took me all of 5 minutes to order that bad boy, and then I patiently waited until it arrived.



When it did arrive, I lovingly placed it on my desk at work, much to the dismay of the librarians I work with. I can't help it. I must yell "Q'Plah" and raise my bat'leth in the air every time I open my mail at work. Sometimes, I feel like my co-workers just don't understand me.

Emboldened by the fact that my car is one of the "customer action shots" on the Trek Fish Car Emblem page, and confident that I was probably  one of the first people to spend the $29.99 to own a mini-bat'leth, I felt it was important, no, it was my duty to send a picture of me using my letter opener. I knew I could be the first "customer action shot" featured on the page for the Bat'leth Letter Opener. After I enlisted the help of my friends, here's what I sent:

A few days later, I received this email:

From: Lily Chau [mailto:lchau@thinkgeek.com]

Sent: Wednesday, October 17, 2012 9:21 AM

Subject: ThinkGeek Action Shot Winner - Congratulations Jenny!

Good Morning Jenny,

Congrats! You've been selected as the Action Shot winner of this week. Your photo tickled our fancy and has earned you a $100 Gift Certificate to our store. (This reward is also for making sure you only use that letter opener for letter opening purposes!)

Thanks for participating & enjoy!

Lily Chau
ThinkGeek, Inc.
Social Media Monkey

Yep. I won. One. Hundred. Dollars. in geek stuff...Which to me, is better than real money. If I had won real money, I would have spent it at Think Geek anyway, so we really just cut out the step of converting money into geek stuff.

Prior to this, I had been vaguely considering this as my Halloween costume:

It had been a few years since I had dressed up for Halloween, and I thought this would be subtle, but appropriate for my "advanced" age and stature. But now that I had ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS, I thought "maybe I should just go for it" and get this:

I may not be able to pull off the "sexy" look like I used to, but looking at the "customer action shots" I decided I could probably hold my own in the dress. Besides, I was going to need something to wear to the midnight premiere of the new Star Trek Movie (May 17 2013 - squee!) and really, now that I'm "out" as a Trekkie, I could probably get a lot of use out of a Starfleet dress. Bonus, I already had the perfect boots to go with it...So I did it. I ordered the dress. And a pink tribble. (and an Enterprise Pizza Cutter, some gifts for the co-workers who helped me with the picture, and some other stuff. $100 goes a pretty long way with the geek stuff.)

Then, I took the Amazon points I'd been saving for an iPad, and used them for a phaser and tricorder. (Meh. Who wants an iPad, when you can have a tricorder?) I did show some restraint, and decided to get the communicator later. Regardless, my Halloween costume was complete, and totally free! All I had to do is wait for it to arrive.

When the dress arrived, I immediately put it on. It, was, um, a bit more "gynecological" than I had expected. 3of8 dutifully told me I looked "GREAT" and that I should totally wear that in public. I wasn't quite sure he was right, so I had him take a picture so I could send it to Riker for an "honest" opintion. She has never let me go out in public in something that I shouldn't. So, here's the picture we took:

Ok - I sent some others, but this one isn't too bad...I have to admit, this is all lighting and angling. The profile view was not good. not good at all.

As I was taking off the dress to hang it up in preparation for Halloween, I noticed that the dress was a small...They had sent me the wrong size! So, I still sent the pictures to Riker so that we could celebrate that I fit into a small...not well, but I didn't tear it or anything, and this close to being 40, I'll take what I can get.

I let Think Geek know that while I was superflattered that they thought I could wear a small, I really was going to need the size I ordered if I was going to wear it in public for Halloween. They kindly obliged, and sent the correct size.

So here's the official picture for the costume contest at work:

..and then, here's the same picture, after Yoda photoshopped it:

..which is why he's my favorite brother in law. (We're making plans to see the new Star Trek movie together, so that 3of8 and his sister 2of8 can try to pretend they don't enjoy being "Trek-adjacent." May 17, 2013 - squee!)

I was actually quite surprised by the number of people who felt they should inform me that wearing a red uniform meant "certain death" in the original series. um. yeah. I'm wearing a name badge that reads "Lt. Expendable" -  and I have an entire blog devoted to the fact that I am a Trekkie. I really don't need anyone to explain the rules of Star Trek to me. I've got this one.

But, if you have been reading my blog, you're probably thinking "Wait, don't you have a full sized bat'leth? Where is that?" And my response is: PAH! As if I would miss this opportunity to bring my bat'leth to work!

So, your reward for being the one person who follows my blog is this: 

You're welcome.

Needless to say, the costume was a hit. There was a slight incident, in which I had to go to the store to buy, ahem, a "personal" product - and not only did I have to run this errand in a Starfleet uniform, there was a "special needs" man in the store who was so excited to see me in my costume that he followed me around the store yelling "HEY! YOU'RE FROM STAR TREK!"  So that was pretty much my worst nightmare come true.   But my real victory is that even though I brought along a pair of "sensible shoes" to change into, I never did. I wore those boots the entire day. They're like, what? 4 inch, 5 inch heels? So yeah, if you've ever worn heels to work, then you will understand what an acomplishment that was. Q'Plah!    jIl moH ghajjaj jaghHomlIj!

Alpha 117 Canine Companion

The team at Star Trek Online are marketing geniuses. Seriously. They practice some sort of subliminal messaging, or Vulcan mind meld or something because they can make me want things that I don't even know I want. I like to think that it's this genius I am supporting when I go after a new item with my usual obsessive zeal.

Right now, it's the "Alpha 117 Canine Companion." But, I MUST have the very rare pink Alpha 117 Canine Companion. These are hard to come by...and I'm not just talking about the process it takes to procure one.

If you're not familiar with the game, or MMOs in general, here's how it works:

First, you play the game. When you play, different items "drop" when you kill your enemy. Sometimes, you get a "lock box." That could be something common, or something so rare, only a few people have it. The thing is, you don't know until you open it.

To open it, you need a key. Those are available in the zen store. So, once you get a lockbox, you have to go to the Perfect World site, and charge your actual credit card with actual money to get "zen." Then, you transfer your zen to the game. From there, you use your zen to buy a key to open the box.

Still with me?

OK, so now, you've got your box, you've got your key, you're ready to see what's in the box, right? So, you open the box, and you get an item of some sort and some "Lobi Crystals." It's the Lobi Crystals that are important here. When you collect them, you can cash them in at the "Lobi Store" for cool stuff. This is where you can get the Alpha 117 Canine Companion.

But, when you buy the Alpha 117 Canine Companion, you have to open another box to find out what color you have. I can't tell you how many Lobi Crystals I've spent on Alpha 117 Canine Companions trying to get the pink one. It's not that I'm embarrased about how much money I've wpent or how many times I've gone through the process above just to get a pink "space dog" -  I can't tell you because a) I'm not really sure how much I'm spent on this and b) I don't want my fleet mates to know because they might be mad that I spent all my Lobi Crystals on Alpha 117 Canine Companions, when I could have bought a really cool ship. (They don't understand how much I hate switching ships...it takes so long for me to get everything "just so.")

So, I've got a ton of brown and grey canine companions, a few blue, green, orange and white ones, but so far, no pink. Of course, I can't use all these non-pink Alpha 117 Canine Companions, so I sell them on the "exchange."

That's right, I've started a virtual "space dog puppy mill" in Star Trek Online.

In the midst of all this opening boxes and selling virtual critters, I decided to do some research and find out how these critters tied into the series. Here's what I found:

That is a schnauzer in a fake fur suit. Even I recognize this. But more importantly, I recognize that only Gene Roddenberry could take a dog, throw it in a bath mat, and convince the world it is a "space dog." And he did it so well, that 50 years later, I'm spending money, opening boxes, and feverishly trying to acquire a virtual critter that does nothing for my game except follow me around and look cute.

This, I think, nicely sums up the pure genius of Star Trek.

NOW SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!

Reporting for Duty

In the 80's, I tried to get in with the "Dungeons and Dragons" crowd, but they didn't want a girl. Same thing with "Magic: The Gathering" in the 90's.  I can't really blame them for not wanting me. Role playing games can be a safe place where geek guys can be themselves, without fear of being judged, and including a girl could really throw off that dynamic. For a long time, it seemed I was destined to be shut out of that world, as fictional as it was.
And then, in the new millennium, and two amazing things happened: MMOs, and Felicia Day.

MMORPGs (Massively Multi player Online Role Playing Games) brought the whole thing online. Now, it's possible to get involved without anyone knowing who you are. You can immerse yourself in the character, and there will be people all over the world, who will only know you as only the character you create.

Felicia Day embraced this, and has been a leader for geek and gamer women, like me, who have waited for our chance to get in on this. About a year or more ago, I started watching her series "The Guild." Immediately, I wanted to join my own guild.
Do I even need to mention that the game I chose to focus on was "Star Trek Online?" Seriously, duh.

I started playing in November of 2011, and quickly became addicted. For about 9 months, I played on my own, venturing out on a few missions with my friend Data, and then some other strangers. It was about a month ago that one of these strangers invited me to join a fleet, and I accepted.

I have to admit, being invited to join Starfleet Elite Force is in the top 3 exciting invitations I've received in my life*. Not only did it mean that I didn't totally suck as a fictional Starfleet Officer, but it felt like the invitation to the "cool table" at lunch that I had always been waiting for.

But of course, that night, I couldn't sleep.What if I had accepted too soon? Was this the right fleet for me? What if they were mad when they found out I was a girl? What if I just couldn't "hang?" What if? What if? I agonized on this for about a week before I went on my first mission.

After that first mission, I realised that while I'm not the best player, I'm not the worst. In fact, we all have our strengths, and what's great about being part of a fleet, is that we all learn how to work within our strengths, and the strengths of our team mates, in order to become the strongest team possible.

In fact, in 9 months of just trying to figure out the game on my own, here's what I learned:

• Don't ever mix muscle relaxers and wine before logging on. It only leads to an akward "warp of shame" the next morning.
• Tribbles breed. A lot.
• Don't get your ship lodged in a starbase.

In just one month of playing with the fleet, I've learned so much more, that will actually help me be a better Starfleet officer. For instance.

• It probably wasn't a good idea to use my porn name** as my character name. I'm now forever known as "Tingley" to my fleet. I guess it could be worse, as far as nicknames go.
• Rainbow Ships are ships that have multiple kinds of weapons.
• Rainbow Ships are bad.
• I have a Rainbow Ship. (It seemed like a good idea to diversify my weapons. Apparently not.)
• Even though it's not real, it's still OK to totally geek out when you meet McCoy or Scotty in the game. Everyone else does.
• Don't piss off the Borg. (OK, I knew that before, but now I know that that's called "Agro.")
• Other terms I've learned: DPS, PUG, and SOP
• Star Trek humor is funnier when everyone gets it.
• When you go off course, and someone on TeamSpeak politely says "Tingley, where are you going?" - They don't actually want the story of how you were going to shoot at something, and then realised you were flying too close to something else that was going to kill you, and you swerved out of the way, forgetting that you have no real turning radius until you separate your saucer section. Just apologise, and get your ass back to where you're supposed to be. They will forgive you.
• There is no shame in putting post it notes on your monitor that say "Right" and "Left." (OK, there's some shame in it, but being able to go in the correct direction makes up for it.)

• Don't remind your fellow fleet members that their female avatars would actually be too top heavy to fight the borg in real life. Just let them have their fantasy alien woman.
• Don't get wedged behind your own cover shield. But if you do, fess up before you begin the mission. Your team will forgive you if you are just honest.
• And, most importantly of all, have fun.

...And it has been fun. All of the fleet members have been super-great, and patient, and I've been improving every day. I'm sure there are loftier goals in life, and more noble pursuits, but right now, I'm perfectly happy trying to be the best part of the team I can be. What I do online may not make a difference to the world, but I can be an important part of SFEF, and that can make a difference in the fictional, future galaxy that I, and almost 200 other people in the fleet, call "home."

See ya in the Alpha Quadrant!

Jenny Lee


*In order:
     1. Marriage proposal from 3of8
     2. Very first internship offer from the morning show at Power92
     3. Invitation to join Starfleet Elite Force

**Your porn name is the name of your first pet, and the street you grew up on.

My other passions

Just so you know, I am very passionate about things other than Star Trek. I thought I should share a recent email exchange between me and Riker, who is also my lawyer.*

From: Jenny Lee
Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 19:07:36 -0600
To: Riker
Subject: Major Decision


I decided today that I want Taco Bell Meximelts, and Mountain Dew served at my funeral, as this is the meal I want to be remembered for. Can we put this in my will?

Jenny Lee



Subject: Re: Major Decision 

To:Jenny Lee
From: Riker
Date: Thu, 19 Jul 2012 01:12:09 +0000
Absolutely. BUT I suggest leaving some leeway or suggested alternatives in the unlikely event neither is available when you die?

Riker


 
From: Jenny Lee

Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 19:15:36 -0600
To: Riker
Subject: RE:Major Decision
If neither of those things are available, that will be the cause of my death, because I just don't want to live in a world without Meximelts and Mountain Dew.
Jenny Lee


Live long and run for the border!

*Much like the "real" Riker  in the TNG episode "Measure of a Man." I must admit, I pick some pretty kickass aliases. They work on SO many levels!

Being a Geek

I'm still working on the "Extended Director's Cut" of my trip to Phoenix Comic Con. In the meantime, I had to share this, sent to me by my brother-in-law, Yoda:

 

This sums up my feelings so precisely I may never have to post anything else on my blog again. 

But I will.

Phoenix Comic Con: Limited Edition Extended Directors Cut

 In an effort to keep from rambling on and on, in my re-cap of the weekend, I edited out some things from my other entries, that I felt should be included in some way. These are:

• At one point, I was sitting next to a girl in a panel who was maybe early 40's, who just started talking to me about how she still lived with her parents, had never had a boyfriend, and loved her cat. During the conversation, I texted the following to Riker, who was in another panel with my husband: I've just met a girl who is the living of example of who I would be without 3of8. Plz hug him for me and say "Thank you for saving Jenny Lee from herself."

• I got some autographed books from Jon S. Lewis. We were in choir together in high school, and I recommend you read his books. Even though I probably stalked him in high school, he was very nice, and didn't call for security.

• I bought my very first comic books! I met the guys and gal from The Devastator, and they were so cute and fun and funny, that I had to go back and buy the "Cat Issue" and the "Choose Your Own Adventure." They appreciated that it was my very first comic book purchase (and subscription) and even gave me a free "Cat Hair Apocalypse" poster. I will treasure it always.

• We did get to go to the sold out "Story Time with Wil Wheaton" and that was super-fun! I think 3of8 was a bit surprised to find out he had so much in common with a guy he made fun of. I appreciated that WW stated he was in a "mixed marriage," which is a term I've used frequently to describe my marriage.

• I have to give special thanks to Riker, because after the Day 4 Burton fiasco, she was consoling me and said "Jenny has never taken a bad picture ever." While I don't think she's entirely accurate, I appreciate that she thinks so highly of me. This is one of the many reasons we have been friends for so long, and why she's my "Number One."

• Also, I need to give credit to my friend Anakin. I've known him since the 1st grade, and he is the one that suggested I come to Phoenix Comix Con, when we re-connected on Facebook. I'm really grateful to him for suggesting it, and I was so glad I got to see him, and meet his lovely wife Amidala, and his kids, Luke and Leia. (You so love the aliases I choose, don't you Anakin?) He is proof that Trekkies and Jedi can find common ground.

I'm sure I have more people to mention. When I remember, I will add them here, but I had to get this posted, because I got a "y u no update your blog?" from Yoda, and this had been sitting in my "drafts" for too long.

Phoenix Comic Con: Day 4 - Levar Burton is my Enemy

Day 4:
     Geek shirts worn: Parrises Squares, Warden of the North
     Nerdlacquer: Don't Panic
  
Somehow, we survived. I must admit that by the last day of Phoenix Comic Con, we were all a bit "nerded out." I had purposely planned a pretty light day, for this reason.

However, this was also an important day, as it was the day of my photo op with the  Star Trek: The Next Generation cast. (Just the ones that were at Phoenix Comic Con, obviously.)

My friend Data had purchased each of the individual shots. So, he has a picture with him and Marina Sirtis, and then another of him and Brent Spiner, etc. etc. He spent a lot of time running back and forth to the photo booth to get all of his photo ops in. I just had one shot, which means I had one shot to NOT look like an idiot. I felt this was the better way to go, so I could focus on experiencing the event, and not worry about always being photo-ready.

However, I'd been working since February to make sure I looked awesome. I even stuck to my Weight Watchers for two whole weeks without cheating. (Of course I gained it all back the first night we were in Phoenix, when we went to the Tilted Kilt.) I did a pre-con haircut to increase my odds of having a good hair day, (of course I didn't) and I coordinated my Nerdlacquer with my top. I even wore fancy shoes.

Data had coached me that they cranked everyone through so fast, that you didn't get talk to any of them, and they were really there as "set dressing." So, when the time came, I felt I had done all the prep work I could, and I was ready and focused. While in line, I practiced my pose: shoulders back, chin up, smile, and 3of8 did a last minute check before he got out of line and I went "behind the curtain" for my photo op.

Full of confidence from not embarrassing myself earlier in the week, and from convincing Brent Spiner to write the word "penis," I knew I had this in the bag. I was going to have the best picture of anyone else at the con, and possibly the entire world. There was a volunteer near the front of the line coaching everyone, "Stand there, smile, leave that way. Stand there, smile, leave that way." There was even a big square marked on the floor, so that you wouldn't miss your mark. 
As it got closer to my turn, I kept saying under my breath, "Stand there, shoulders back, chin up, smile, leave that way. Stand there, shoulders back, chin up, smile, leave that way." I could see everyone else getting their pictures, and with the exception of Brent Spiner chatting with Michael Dorn, pausing only long enough in his story to smile for each picture, no one else was speaking.Then, it was my turn. As I walked up chanting to myself "Stand there, shoulders back, chin up, smile, leave that way" Levar Burton looked right at me and said "Good Morning!" What. The. Hell?!?!? This was not expected. He had not said anything to anyone else, so why would he single me out to say "Good Morning?" It freaked me out, and my focus was gone. The only thought I could muster was a vague memory of Friday's panel where he reprimanded the audience for not saying "good morning" back. Of course, I could not have Levar Burton think I was being rude, so as I took my spot, and tried to remember what I should be focusing on, I said "Good mor.." CLICK!!!! That was it. It was over. Levar Burton sabotaged my photo op! I would expect something like that from Wil Wheaton or Brent Spiner, but LEVAR BURTON!?!?!? WHAT. THE. HELL!?!?!?

Here's the end result:

3of8 said it looks fine, but I think I look like some confused, insane person that wandered into the shot. All because Levar Burton had to be nice to me, and say "Good Morning."

If you ever get the chance to meet Levar Burton, please tell him that he is now my mortal enemy. But also tell him not to worry, it won't take up much of his time.

Phoenix Comic Con: Day 3 - The Most Awesome Thing Ever (in the history of things)

I present to you, dear reader, the most awesome thing in the history of all things:

Nothing else that happened on Day 3 is even close to being this freakin' awesome, so I'm just going to let you bask in the awesome glow of this total awesomness. Enjoy.

...and if you need an explanation, then you aren't watching Fresh Hell.

Phoenix Comic Con: Day 2 - Saving All of Time and Space

Day 2:
     Geek shirts worn: Live Fast, Die Red & Aluminum Falcon
     Blisters: 1
     Worst question: "What's your favorite episode?"
     Best question: "With the release of TNG on blu ray, are they going to fix the problem in season ___, 
          episode ____ where the torpedoes fire out of the phaser banks?"
     Best conversation overheard: Debate on the Klingon ridges.

Today the goal was autographs and Star Trek panels. My brother-in-law, Yoda, had sent me all of his TNG action figures. So, I brought the Troi, the Worf and the Data to be signed.

I decided that Marina Sirtis was the autograph I could not leave without, and that was the first line I got in. Actually, I started the line for her autograph...I was first. As it got closer and closer to her appearance, I realised my rookie mistake. I should have gotten in the Michael Dorn line, or let some others go first. But here I was in line for the most important signature, with no knowledge of how this works, or what everyone else was doing. Idiot! I started to panic. What would I say? Would she recognize that I liked her best, because I was first in her line? Suppose she was a jerk? What was I even doing here?

Fortunately, 3of8 stood in line with me, even though I had told him he didn't have to. When I started to hyperventilate and cry, he coached me through some "combat breathing." Breathe in while counting to 4, hold for 4, breathe out while counting to 4. There was nothing to be done about the crying...and yes, I'm serious. I cried. But only a little. I still felt ridiculous.

I'd like to say that butterflies held the curtain open for her and she appeared like an angel surrounded by woodland creatures drawn to her siren's song, but it was more like she burst through the curtain as if she was now in charge of the entire exhibit hall, and nobody better fuck with her. I found it kind of soothing, in a way. She cleared the table saying "I need more room, I've got like a billion photos...I'll just use some of Spiner's table. He's got like two." and she proceeded to carefully place all of her photos on her (and Spiner's) table. She looked up at me and said,"Sorry, I'm anal." as she arranged and rearranged her photos. To which I replied, "No worries, I'm totally OCD myself, so I understand the importance of proper placement and organization." In my head I was screaming "HOLY CRAP! I SPOKE TO HER, AND NOT ONLY DID I NOT EMBARRASS MYSELF, I FOUND COMMON GROUND WITH MARINA FUCKING SIRTIS!!! I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS!"

Her handler summoned me over and asked what I wanted her to sign, but before I could answer, Ms. Sirtis held up a finger and said "hold on" to me, and started to talk to the handler. I turned to 3of8 and whispered, "She just yelled at me! SQUEEE!!!!"

Finally, it was time. From what I can remember of the conversation, it went something like this:

MS: Who should I make this out to?

ME: Jenny Lee. My mom is from the south and I have one of those weird, southern, two word first names. (OK, she probably didn't need to know all that.)

As she was signing my Counselor Troi action figure (and yes, I get the irony of a psychiatrist "action" figure) I added,"My brother-in-law gave me his action figures when I finally came out of the turbo lift and admitted I was a trekkie." 

MS: (giggles)Thank you for waiting.

ME: I waited 37 years for this, what’s a few more minutes?

MS: Well it was lovely to meet you, love.

ME: You too! Thank you!

I then got in the Micheal Dorn line, which was much less eventful.

MD: Who should I make this out to?

ME: (Holding up Troi action figure, with my name spelled correctly.) Jenny Lee (I'd like to mention here that the guys from FanboyHQ had stressed the importance of not putting away your autograph until it was dry. I cannot thank them enough for that valuable advice!)

MD: Well here you go!

ME: Thank you. And I mean "thank you" for all of your work on Star Trek. I really enjoyed it.

MD: It was my pleasure.

I did it. Nothing too horrifying and embarrassing. I feel like I did the right thing, by not trying too hard to stand out (except for a few "blips") and what I got was the autographs that I wanted, and a warm, fuzzy memory that I could enjoy without embarrassment. Mission accomplished.

Data and Riker had saved us seats for the Levar Burton panel, and we just camped out there all day. Levar Burton was nice, but that was before he became my "mortal enemy." Everyone asked him about "Reading Rainbow" and I learned that the visor was actually screwed into his head! Marina Sirtis was a fireball, and I think I love her more. Unfortunately, I was all prepared to step up to the mic and ask her a question, but I was "scooped" by someone asking the same question. Michael Dorn was lovely too. I liked that they all told off the self-important bloggers, but each made a point of thanking the true fans.

We also sat through the women of sci-fi with Dina Meyer (Starship Troopers), Salli Richardson-Whitfield (Eureka), Debrah Farentino (Eureka) and ERIN FUCKING GRAY!!!! (And if you don't know which sci-fi show she was in, you are banned from my blog. Seriously. Banned.) That was a surprisingly fun panel.

At some point, while in line at women's restroom, I had to break up a fight between a Dr. Who and a TARDIS. The Doctor was having some suspender issues, and asked her TARDIS to help clip them on in the back. During this maneuver, the metal clip broke.

Doctor: OMG!!! YOU BROKE MY SUSPENDERS!!!

TARDIS: I did not! I was trying to help, and the clip broke.

Doctor: YOU RUINED MY COSTUME!!!

TARDIS: It's fine. Your jacket will cover it!

Doctor: OMG! I worked so hard, and you ruined it!

TARDIS: I was trying to help!

I finally stepped in, asked if anyone had a safety pin, and fixed the Doctor's suspenders. I'm pretty proud of my role in preventing a disruption in all of time and space, though I wonder if it turned out so well in the alternate universe.

        *I'm calling him "Yoda," 'cause he's my geek guru, and he helped me prepare for my first con. Yes, I know that Yoda is from Star Wars. I thought it was clear that I do not discriminate. Besides, it's my blog and I say it's o.k.

Phoenix Comic Con: Day 1 - Beauty and the Bat'leth

I did it. I survived my first Comic Con. And, it's definitely NOT my last! It really was the funnest fun I've ever had.

3of8 and I got to Phoenix around 3ish on the first day of the convention, which started that night. My friend Data* had arrived earlier, and had already picked up his pass. "I was in line behind two ghostbusters," he texted. It was then that I knew this would be everything I'd hoped and dreamed.

I gathered my nerds, and 3of8, Riker, Data and I came up with a plan. First pass of of the exhibit hall, and then to the first session. My first purchase was a fuzzy pink monster back pack, from the Framptastic booth. Later, I told 3of8 to put something "in my furry pink monster," which obviously led to an ongoing joke.

One of the goals of the whole event was to get a bat'leth. We were shocked to discover that very few of the booths had any. We finally found the one place that had one, and the moment I held it, I knew it was meant to be. It was awesome, and it was to be mine. I'm pretty sure this is what happened the first time King Arthur held Excalibur. "I look fierce!" I said, earning my first <facepalm> of the weekend from 3of8.

Riker and 3of8 went to "Quark's Bar" to learn how to mix sci fi drinks. I insisted that my husband attend this, because at the "Star Trek Experience" in Vegas, he totally humiliated me by ordering a "blue beer." (It was a Cardassian Ale.) While I don't expect him to become an expert, I do expect he not embarrass me when we hang with the geeks. That's not asking too much, is it?

Data and I went to "How to Survive Comic Con" presented by Martin and Jose. I found it helpful, but was a little disturbed by how much they emphasized hygiene. They have the 5-2-1 rule: 5 hours sleep, 2 good meals, and 1 shower a day. They really focused on the showering, and went so far as to say "Deodorant is important." They even gave a demonstration as to how to put on Axe body spray. (I'm happy to report that 3of8 does apply his AXE correctly.) Later in the week, when surrounded by geeks on the third day of wearing their costume, I understood where this was coming from.

So, we went back to the exhibit hall, got my bat'leh, and headed back to the hotel for our very important minimum 5 hours of sleep and a shower. Apparently, a blond woman (who kinda looks "soccer mom-ish") carrying a bat'leth does draw some attention. Probably because I was carrying it blade out, until 3of8 developed some "safety procedures" for me. (Surprisingly, bat'leths do not come with a manual.) I did scare some flight attendants on the elevator up to the room, but no one was injured. The real irony is that 3of8 was the first to be injured on my bat'leth, when he burnt himself removing it from the NTRPRZE after it had been sitting in the hot Arizona sun all day. He is the worst Klingon ever.

Day one was a good warm up, for the main event. I was feeling good, and had accomplished one of my comic con goals. Game on.

*Like Data, he always has perfectly coiffed hair.


Day 1:
     Geek shirts worn: Planet Express, Slurm, Meh
     Nerdlacquer: All of time and Space
     Best Quote:
           Me: I want to get a picture of each of my geek shirts.
           3of8: I knew we should have brought a documentary crew.
     Favorite costume seen: Q

Con Artist - Part II

So, I'm going to my very first Comic Con. Ever. I'm terrified. Part of me is afraid that I'm not geeky enough to hang. The other part of me is scared that I will find myself in throes of trekgasm, and totally spazz out.

One of the reasons I decided to finally go this year, is the 25th anniversary of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I always said I would only go to a con if I could achieve my perfect Trek-fecta, which would be Patrick Stewart, Wil Wheaton, and choose one: Marina Sirtis, Jonathan Frakes, or Brent Spiner. (listed in order of preference) Bonus points for Whoopi Goldberg, Micheal Dorn, Gates McFadden, or John de Lancie. When the line up for this Comic Con was first announced, it was pretty close to the 'fecta, and I decided it was time to gather my nerds and plan.
As we get closer to the date, I've been going over in my head all the things I want to tell these actors. I've learned, that NOTHING ever goes as well as it does in my own head, so I'm just setting myself up for humiliation. And, it's not like I've never met a celebrity before. Several years in the radio industry taught me what to do, and definitely what NOT to do when meeting someone famous. (Someday, I'll share the "Del Amitri Incident.") Furthermore, the reality is that most likely we will be shuffled through all the stuff so quickly, I won't even have an opportunity to amaze and delight them with my wit and charm.

And yet, I daydream about all the stupid things I want to tell them.

I want to tell Wil Wheaton "Thank you"...because for all the shit he got for playing Wesley Crusher, I like to think that each hate letter he got meant one less nerd getting shoved into a locker, because the bully was busy writing a letter to Wil Wheaton.

I want to tell Marina Sirtis how the character of Counselor Troi inspired me to write a research paper on the women of Star Trek, and while the broad message was "girls are allowed in Starfleet, but only if they are there to take care of the boys" I appreciate the effort that was made, and realize that true gender equality was most likely sacrificed in order to get the show on the air. (Sadly, even I yawned while reading that.)

I want to tell Levar Burton about the hours that my sister spent watching Reading Rainbow, or how my first doll was named Kizzy, after the character in Roots, or how his brilliant acting made me totally forget he was wearing a hair clip on his face. I feel it's important for him to know that my favorite line ever was during his guest shot on Community when Troy said "Set phasers to 'love me'"
I'm not sure I have anything critical to tell Micheal Dorn or Brent Spiner, so they might just be my "safetys." I guess for Micheal Dorn, I could mention how totally shafted he got when they brought in that little asshole from Family Ties in as Worf's kid. And WTF was that whole thing with Troi? But really, I'm sure he knows that stuff, and I did like him in I Am Weasel. And for Brent Spiner, I guess it would be worth mentioning  how much I love his new web series Fresh Hell, and his ability to laugh at himself and his critics.

But mostly, I want all of them to know that while the dialogue was hokey, and the plots were sometimes thin, I appreciated the commitment they obviously gave to those roles. For me, Star Trek: The Next Generation was sanctuary. It came on Sunday nights, and for an hour, it let me escape the fear of the coming week. And then, as I got my daily ass-kicking in high school, I could comfort myself with the thought that the future would be better. Someday, a kid like me would be sitting at the helm of the Enterprise, like Wesley Crusher. Or, I could be an engineer like LaForge, and repeatedly save the day, just by being a nerd. In Star Trek, the ones that were intelligent, passionate, and thoughtful enough to see both sides of an issue came out on top. Even the android got a fair shot, and that's all I ever really wanted. I just want them all to know, the work they did on that show gave me hope that one day, the geeks would find their place in the universe.

I'll probably just stick with "I love your work" and hope that one day they discover my little blog.

Con Artist - Part I

So, this week, I will be going to my very first Comic Con. I'm not ashamed to admit: I. am. terrified.

For the first time in my life, I'm worried that I'm not geeky enough. As my friend, Riker*, said "I'm worried about being ostracized for being a 'tourist.'" I assured her this was not the case, and didn't tell her that I have the same fear.

Recently, someone said that she told her friend that I am a Trekkie. Her friend responded with "What's her knowledge base?" And there it is. I'm worried that I'm not really a Trekkie, but just the Trek version of Idiot Nerd Girl. What happens if I fail the test that is put before me to determine my level of geekdom?

But then, how do we define who is, and who isn't officially a fan? Are there varying degrees of fandom? Do you have to know, word for word, every line from every episode of every Star Trek series to be considered a Trekkie? Where do I apply for Trek certification? Isn't the fact that I'm willing to declare "I am a Trekkie" enough?

I realized that bullies are everywhere, even in the geek community. There are always going to be people who try to make you doubt yourself in order to make themselves feel better. I can ignore them in other aspects of my life, so I just need to ignore them in ALL aspects of my life. Besides, anyone who truly "gets" Star Trek, knows about the Prime Directive, which states that Starfleet is not to interfere with the natural development of any culture. So, anyone who would judge me as not geeky enough would essentially be trying to interfere with my personal development, and would thus be violating the Prime Directive themselves.

This is why I love Riker, in spite of the fact that she cannot choose between Star Trek, and Star Wars. "I like them both," she admitted one day, embarrassed that she could not reach my level of commitment to the Trek. And even though I have clearly chosen to follow the Prime Directive instead of using the Force, I respect the Jedi and all that they stand for. And if all the Trekkies stick to the Prime Directive, and all the Jedi respect the Force,  then there really is no conflict over which series is better, or who is the bigger geek. I think there's room for us all at the Comic Con. Even the tourists.


*I'll call her Riker, 'cause she's my "Number One" best friend.

Introduction

Firstly, I realize that the term "Trekkie" is supposed to be the derogatory form of "Trekker"  but I've decided that we're taking it back. Maybe "Trekkie" can refer to female fans of Star Trek, and then the guys can have "Trekker" all to themselves. Whatever. We're taking it back, and that's final.

I guess I've always been a Trekkie. It wasn't a choice. Believe me, I denied it for many years, before I finally embraced my true nature. I think my family always knew on some level. But this is who I am, and who I was always meant to be.

It's hard for me to pinpoint the defining moment when I decided to come out of the turbolift, and claim my place in the geek world. It might have been in 1991, going to a Star Trek movie with my dad and hearing someone whisper "There's a GIRL in here!" Or possibly, the paper I wrote in college about "The Women of Star Trek" was what pushed me over the edge. (The only "A" I got in college.) I think about the woman I worked with, who proclaimed she liked the new Star Trek movie with the qualifying "even though I'm a girl" statement. Most people would say it was when I lost my mind in "The Star Trek Experience" in Vegas during my honeymoon, but really, it started long before that. That was just the first clue my husband* had that he was now married to a geek.

Regardless, I'm "out" now, after hiding it for most of my life, and ready to blog about life as a Trekkie, a geek, or whatever you want to call me. Whatever I am, I know I'm not alone, and I know I'm not the only woman who has been afraid to shout out loud "I am a geek!" So, while this blog was started for every person who has told me "You should write a book," I'd like to offer it as a gift to everyone who has been afraid of what people might think of them. I'm not sure how this will evolve, but I'd like to offer the same thing that I have found by watching Star Trek: hope for the future. Or, maybe I just want to write stories that I think are cute and clever. At the very least,instead of telling the "Star Trek Experience" story for the ump-teenth time, I can just tell everyone to "go to my blog."

And don't worry, I'm pretty sure my blog won't be ALL about Star Trek. I like Joss Whedon too. :)

Let your geek flag fly!


*My husband has requested that I not mention him in my blog. However, since most of my recent stories revolve around his non-geek reactions, we have reached a compromise, and he will only be referred to by his Borg designation, which is "Three of Eight."