Alpha 117 Canine Companion

The team at Star Trek Online are marketing geniuses. Seriously. They practice some sort of subliminal messaging, or Vulcan mind meld or something because they can make me want things that I don't even know I want. I like to think that it's this genius I am supporting when I go after a new item with my usual obsessive zeal.

Right now, it's the "Alpha 117 Canine Companion." But, I MUST have the very rare pink Alpha 117 Canine Companion. These are hard to come by...and I'm not just talking about the process it takes to procure one.

If you're not familiar with the game, or MMOs in general, here's how it works:

First, you play the game. When you play, different items "drop" when you kill your enemy. Sometimes, you get a "lock box." That could be something common, or something so rare, only a few people have it. The thing is, you don't know until you open it.

To open it, you need a key. Those are available in the zen store. So, once you get a lockbox, you have to go to the Perfect World site, and charge your actual credit card with actual money to get "zen." Then, you transfer your zen to the game. From there, you use your zen to buy a key to open the box.

Still with me?

OK, so now, you've got your box, you've got your key, you're ready to see what's in the box, right? So, you open the box, and you get an item of some sort and some "Lobi Crystals." It's the Lobi Crystals that are important here. When you collect them, you can cash them in at the "Lobi Store" for cool stuff. This is where you can get the Alpha 117 Canine Companion.

But, when you buy the Alpha 117 Canine Companion, you have to open another box to find out what color you have. I can't tell you how many Lobi Crystals I've spent on Alpha 117 Canine Companions trying to get the pink one. It's not that I'm embarrased about how much money I've wpent or how many times I've gone through the process above just to get a pink "space dog" -  I can't tell you because a) I'm not really sure how much I'm spent on this and b) I don't want my fleet mates to know because they might be mad that I spent all my Lobi Crystals on Alpha 117 Canine Companions, when I could have bought a really cool ship. (They don't understand how much I hate switching ships...it takes so long for me to get everything "just so.")

So, I've got a ton of brown and grey canine companions, a few blue, green, orange and white ones, but so far, no pink. Of course, I can't use all these non-pink Alpha 117 Canine Companions, so I sell them on the "exchange."

That's right, I've started a virtual "space dog puppy mill" in Star Trek Online.

In the midst of all this opening boxes and selling virtual critters, I decided to do some research and find out how these critters tied into the series. Here's what I found:

That is a schnauzer in a fake fur suit. Even I recognize this. But more importantly, I recognize that only Gene Roddenberry could take a dog, throw it in a bath mat, and convince the world it is a "space dog." And he did it so well, that 50 years later, I'm spending money, opening boxes, and feverishly trying to acquire a virtual critter that does nothing for my game except follow me around and look cute.

This, I think, nicely sums up the pure genius of Star Trek.

NOW SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!